So Dead Space 2's out all around the world. From the hour or so I've played of it, it's quite a fun game, and if you've got the means to play it - Dead Space Extraction HD is also quite fun. But it's thanks to Dead Space 2 that I've gotta look at EA and question their crossing over ability, because it's something suspect.
For those who purchase a new copy of Dead Space 2 (either of the three versions), you'll get a code that allows you to download the "Ser Issac of Clarke" armour to use in the upcoming Dragon Age II. It's kinda similar to the same type of deal EA pulled with Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age: Origins, in which you recieved a code in new copies of the latter which allowed you to use the same armour in the former.
But the weird thing about all this, is why Issac Clarke? It's not that the character hasn't got the greatest design out there (the engineering suit has a neat look to it), but EA have this really odd habit of putting the Issac skin in a whole series of games that don't make a lick of sense. Don't believe me?
Here's Issac in Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10:
Here's Issac in the PSP version of Army of Two: The 40th Day:
Here's Issac in My Sims Agents:
Here's Issac in Skate 3 :
Here's Issac in Dante's Inferno :
I mean, I can understand EA's strategy here - they're putting Dead Space and Issac out there unlike a lot of their other brands and trying to get the name out. Compared to other EA games, Dead Space has two animated movies, three comic book series, a Wii (now PS3) prequel game, and XBLA and PSN prequel game to the sequel, and even an iOS game. Not even other, and possibly more popular, EA games have this type of additional items.
However, it seems just so random and pointless to do so - and worst of all, the Issac skin is completely out of place for most of those games I mentioned above. You'd have to be mad to justify the costume being in Dante's Inferno, it clashes with the design aesthetic in Dragon Age; but the most jarring is in Skate and Tiger Woods - more so in Tiger, which uses real-life locations and people. It just feels...weird.
For comparison's sake, Sony have it down pretty well on how they let Kratos be used in non-God of War games. Sure, he's made appearances in games like Everybody's Golf (subtitle?), Modnation Racers & Little Big Planet, but at the same time - you look at his use in PSP title Soul Calibur: Broken Destiny and the upcoming Mortal Kombat. Thanks to the God of War games being kinda-fighting games, he's a natural fit in playing, plus his backstory actually makes him fit in with the Soul Calibur storyline better than every guest character not named Link. As for Mortal Kombat, anyone who's played a God of War game can tell you that he's an absolute perfect pick.
I mean, I'm all for EA trying to get Dead Space out there...but putting him in every bloody game ever isn't going to work. What's next, an Issac Clarke driver/car for Shift 2 Unleashed?
The late 70's to early 80's was arguable one of, if not the, most iconic periods in arcade gaming, especially if you were in the Japanese development scene - wherein some of the most iconic games ever created were, well, created in this period. We're talking games that are still as iconic today as they were then, such as Taito's Space Invaders, Nintendo's Donkey Kong and celebrating its 30th birthday today, Namco's Puck-Man, or as it's better known, Pac-Man.
You may think that Namco would have something special planned for it right? Y'know, since it's practically synomous with the company and they adore putting out Pac-Man anything, since it's still bloody popular. Nope. Nothing. Not even a port to yet another platform - because it's one of the few games that's available on just about anything...
Instead, a couple of Google engineers decided to do something even more awesome - create a port that'll run in the Google logo on the main Google page. Pretty bloody awesome, especially when you realize that you can actually play with two players, the second controlling Ms. Pac-Man. Good going Google, taking advantage of a massive missed opportunity that Namco could've totally taken advantage of. You've got less than 48hrs to play it before it's taken down, but still, it's rad.
So...yeah. Don't know what else I can say. Because let's face it - it's FREAKING PAC-MAN. It's one of those games that everyone knows about, anyone can play, and it's still completely awesome. I really don't know what else I can say about it that hasn't already been covered to death. If you just stick with the main stuff, and avoid most of the spin-offs, you'll be groovy.
Though if I were to recommend one Pac title for this special occasion, get the Xbox Live title Pac-Man Championship Edition, which is a fantastic remake of the original game. The iPhone version also works, but it's best played with a controller. Should you not have access at all to play the game, Ms. Pac-Man or even the original Pac-Man is also pretty awesome.
Compared to a lot of other popular genres of video games, fighting games are very unique in that they aren’t very welcoming to newcomers. Sure, once you get into the genre, you’ll find that you can bring your skills to a lot of different games and feel at home almost as soon as you starting learning a new game. But it’s the question of getting into it that proves most fascinating.
Two games that actually got me thinking a little bit of accessibility in fighting games are Tecmo’s 2005’s Dead or Alive 4, and Capcom’s 2010’s Super Street Fighter IV. At a base level, these two games couldn’t be any more different from one another, but they share the same problem – they are both quite difficult for newcomers to get into and enjoy.
Let’s begin with Dead or Alive 4. While the series is well known for having moments of ridiculous difficulty, the fourth instalment kicks it up several notches. It does help that there is a mode that allows the game to ‘drill’ the player throughout a characters moveset, the key problem here is that it falls prey to a design methodology that developer Team Ninja are well known for – making the game difficult, but if you learn how to play the game and learn the intricacies of the system, you’ll be fine.
Expect to see this happening. A LOT.
I say this because if you’re going into the game blind, you are going to be destroyed by the A.I. There’s no ‘easy’ mode, and you’ll need to know how to use the games counter mechanism, because the A.I knows how to use it, and will counter like crazy. Granted, the mechanic is pretty simple to understand, but the game doesn’t tell you at all about it – you have to go in to the ‘Sparring’ mode (which contains the aforementioned move drills); but even then – there is still a lot of the game’s basic concepts that isn’t exactly clear upon playing the game.
It’s sort of the same thing in Super Street Fighter IV. Admittedly, the game is a little more accessible thanks to multiple difficulty levels and a much slower pace of game and less moves to worry about; but even still, it’s not as friendly and open as it should be.
Should’ve done a focus attack there Bison. Don’t know what that is? Go read the manual.
Again, it has a mode that drills you into playing each character – and goes a step further by even teaching the player some very useful combos. But that’s just it – for all the additional teaching that the game does, it doesn’t go that additional step further and allow for new players to learn key gameplay concepts.
While I chose Dead or Alive 4 and Super Street Fighter IV for these examples, you could apply them to a number of other fighting games – even recently, games like BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger or Tekken 6 have nothing in the way of teaching players about gameplay concepts. While you could pass this off as saying that because they’re such long running series, they don’t need to accommodate for new players, I don’t buy that argument. I really don’t.
Example here being Sega’s 2004 fighter Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution. The Virtua Fighter games are known to be one of the most deep and one of the more hardcore fighting series out there, and if anything, the one that would most benefit from a tutorial. And you know what? It has that. And it goes a little further than saying “here’s how to block, here’s how to attack”, explaining how to best play in certain scenarios, as well giving players the ability to be drilled through character movesets. In fact, it was such a great feature, that it’s omission in Virtua Fighter 5 was a huge disappointment!
Admittedly, this isn’t the training mode, but if you were in training – you’d know how to not get your arse kicked by Akira.
Though it does seem like other fighting games are slowly realizing that accessibility is a good thing – the sequel to the aforementioned Blazblue; Continuum Shift, is receiving a tutorial mode. And of course, there are always things like YouTube or FAQ’s if you want to learn and see the base concepts of a fighting game, but it’s that little in-game help that helps just the same.
With the impending release of Super Street Fighter IV, there's a number of different sort of memes popping back up all over the place, specifically in various commentaries about the Street Fighter series. The most common thing I'm seeing is derision of Street Fighter III, and how it's "too complex" of a game compared to the much more simpler Street Fighter IV, or even Street Fighter II.
As someone who took the time to understand and learn how to play Street Fighter III, I find the increasing number of complaints to be somewhat annoying, and almost ignorant to a point. Admittedly, my stance is a little biased - since I adore Street Fighter III, but at the same time, it's almost ludicrous that the game gets as much undeserved crap as it gets - since it does many things that Capcom haven't done as well since or before the release of 3rd Strike.
Specifically, let's begin with the "too complex" part that most people seem to complain most about. In particular, people cite difficulty with the parry system - wherein to parry attacks, you need to move forward just as the attack connects, negating the attack and leaving your enemy wide open. By doing this, it effectively negates projectiles (which isn't an issue, since MOST of the characters in 3rd Strike aren't projectile users), and allows you to counter pretty much every other attack, including Super Arts (which will get to in a later paragraph).
The most common misconception about this argument is that in order to basically play the game - you NEED to know how to parry. This can't be any further from the truth. In reality, it does help if you want to take the game seriously, but you don't need to know how to parry in order to play the game. I can't do it properly, and yet, it doesn't affect my enjoyment of the game. I know quite a few people who can't do it properly, and yet, they still enjoy the game. And if you want further proof that parrying doesn't ruin games - I CHALLENGE you to find someone complaining about the Just Defence system from SNK fighting games or Guard Impacting from Soul Calibur, and how it's "too complex" and ruins the game for them.
Another argument I've heard in favour of the game being "too complex, therefore it sucks" is the Super Art system. Basically, each character has three super moves, known as Super Arts. Once you pick a character, you pick one Super Art to use as your sole super move until you choose another character.
I'm more baffled that people have found reason to even complained about this. The ability to choose Super Arts allows for different styles of gameplay, and locks you to learning only one combination - should you JUST focus on doing just that. What's so hard about locking down one super move?
I'm guessing that a lot of people deriding Street Fighter III are people who grew up and played the ever loving crap out of the various different versions of Street Fighter II. In fact, if you were to read a lot of articles and even listen to podcasts from outlets like 1UP, Gamespot, IGN etc, you'll hear a lot of praising of Street Fighter II and how the participants spent a lot of time playing the game, but stopped at III, citing that it was too complex and focused at a more hardcore audience.
Well no shit it's different. It IS a sequel after all. Were you expecting a title known as "Street Fighter III" to be as iterative as a lot of the different versions of Street Fighter II? Of course it's different. It's a sequel, a completely new entry in a long running series - you'd better damn well expect it to be different from it's predecessors. If it had been exactly the same, these would be the same people damning it.
The point of this? Go play Street Fighter III. It's one of the best fighting games ever made, and Capcom's crowning achievement as a company.
There are many reasons why I love Japan, but this has got to be the most recent one. Why do I love Japan now?
Because they're the only place on earth where they'll have a TV show wherein the hosts are paid to get excited for precisely 10 seconds of gameplay footage.
So with the end of March, we saw the conclusion of Microsoft's "Block Party" promotion, as they released the not-quite arcade 'game' Game Room - effectively a launcher for a retro game service that was just launched. It's not at all like Sony's Playstation Home, as screenshots would suggest, but it's certainly more interactive and has a tonne of potential on its hands. And it's locally developed too (done by Krome Studios), so that's always nice.
And yet, I just can't get into it.
I mean, it's nothing wrong with the service itself. The emulation on the games is surprisingly good (except for the Intellivision stuff - which can't really played properly), the addition of a rewind feature is welcome, a semi-achievement system (in the form of medals) is well implemented and fun, the ability to go to other peoples arcades is a good idea - all in all, good stuff.
Well, at least some people are enjoying Asteroids.
Sure, there is the fact that it's buggy as all hell, but that's not a shock. Stuff like not being able to purchase games initially, or even connect to the Game Room servers is annoying, but that can always be fixed over time; and if this generation has proven anything - it's not exactly a rare sight to see a patch for something be released onto a console. So you may be wondering what my problem is then?
Well, it's the game selection itself. Rather - it's what Microsoft thinks are suitable 'nostalgic' games to go onto this service.
Initially, the games that were released comprised of stuff from the Atari 2600, Mattel Intellivision and several choice Konami & Atari arcade games. In terms of names, there was stuff like Centipede, Asteroids, Jungler, Yar's Revenge, Adventure, Combat and more. All in all, respectable stuff, yet there's just one problem.
All those games? Not nostalgic to me in the slightest.
Let me put this into perspective. I was born in 1988 - my nostalgia in terms of arcades includes things like Street Fighter II, The Simpsons, Dungeons & Dragons: Shadow over Mystara, Daytona USA, Mortal Kombat - all these great games that were made during the last great years of the arcade. And yet, there doesn't seem to be any plans to release anything much more recent and actually playable onto the service.
And then there's the decision to kill the buzz on the product by not releasing anything until the end of April. Sure, it may be one way to get to the target of "1000 games in three years" that Microsoft are setting onto themselves, but a month? Really? Let's just hope that it isn't a regular thing and that the games
You can theme your rooms - having Atari games in your Intellivision room and Intellivision games in your Atari room...
It bums me out because I WANT to support this. I think it's a great idea, and the framework surrounding it is awesome, but I can't justify spending money on stuff that is unplayable by today's standards, and isn't relevant to me. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one that thinks this way.
Of course, it's still early days for the service - so who knows? If it's just focusing on Microsoft's definition of nostalgia though, then I'll be getting rid of the app and going back to MAME. At least there I don't have to worry about not being able to access the service because of a bad internet connection.
June 2009 might as well be known as the month where Sandbox games reigned supreme. Why? Because three somewhat remarkably sandbox games were released onto the market. You’ve got Sony’s infamous, which was a good, though flawed attempt. You then have Activision’s Prototype, which wasn’t very good at all. And then you come to THQ’s Red Faction Guerilla, which is probably the more interesting of the trio, for several reasons.For starters, there’s no need for superpowers – though the sledgehammer you get for the duration of the game is pretty damned super.
The first part is that it’s an interesting reboot of the Red Faction series.While the first two were somewhat decent first person shooters that never really did take too much advantage of the Geo-Modfeature that made it a big deal back in the day, here the Geo-Mod engine actually works to the games advantage. Destroying buildings and objects has an extremely large part to do in the game, and it never gets old. Never. And it’s not the stock standard video game destruction here – tearing down buildings in specific places does affect how the building will fall over, so if you hit the supports just right, you’ll have a much easier time taking the building than just randomly attempting to destroy the building. Or you could just drive a car into the building and use that to destroy it.
The second part is just the way the game feels. As an open world game, it compares very similarly to developer Volition’s own Saints Row series, but improved in some regards. For starters, the ‘respect’ system where you needed to consistently fill up a respect bar (by doing activities) in order to attempt any missions? Not present. As long as there are missions available to you, you need nothing more to actually do them, with the last missions appearing as you drain control away from the evil EDF. You can do the activities still, and some of them you can do repeatedly to earn more salvage (the games currency) and get closer to achieving some trophies or achievements.
That being said, there are some elements of the game that don’t quite work well in its favor. The first comes in the mission triggers – there’s an alert system in the game where green means you’re alright, yellow means that the EDF are onto you, and red meaning that the EDF are going to kill you. All well and good, but if you’re driving out to go do missions, you need to have a green alert to do them. It’s a pain, especially when it’s tricky to shake off the EDF at times. Furthermore, the difficulty becomes absolutely punishing at times, which really does hurt the game some.
Overall, Red Faction Guerilla is a fantastic return to form for the Red Faction series (RF2 wasn’t quite good), with the reboot working to create one of the most fun experiences you’ll have in a video game. Sure, it’s quite derivivative of Saints Row 2, but then again, is that really a bad thing? And also, it does get quite difficult at times, but that’s put aside when you watch as you take down a massive building with nothing more than a sledgehammer and remote charges. Quite something.
2. Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars (DS/PSP/iPhone)
I’ll be quite frank with you. I really didn’t like Grand Theft Auto IV. Sure, there were some impressive things about it (such as the voice acting and the way that the game felt), but for me anyway, that was more outweighed by the bad (mission design wasn’t up to scratch, soundtrack was very hit and miss, visuals were boring, police spawning was erratic and almost unfair, and the story wasn’t too particularly great). In fact, the best GTA in recent years is a PSP and DS (and soon to be iPhone) game – Chinatown Wars. And it’s amazing that it didn’t sell – given that GTA is such a mainstream game, and that the DS is so absurdly popular. In the US in it’s first month, the game sold less than 100K. Depressing.
The first thing that strikes you about Chinatown Wars is that it takes you back to a pre-GTA III era of gaming, but mixed in with some of the elements from later GTA games (such as the ability to use taxi-cabs and stuff like that). The second thing that strikes you is that it WORKS. Unlike the previous attempt at a GTA game on a Nintendo handheld, everything here just seems to work a lot better – from the multiplayer, to car control and just control in general. Hell, even the touchscreen specific stuff (for the DS version), actually works really well, even if some of it can be a little cumbersome.
Probably the most compelling thing about the game would have to be the drug trading mini-game. Put simply, it plays similar to the Drug Wars game that people have known and loved for many years, you buy low and sell high, control supply and demand, and just proves to be really quite fun. And hey, having it not edited for the Australian release was quite something. Plus, it’s easily the best way to get cash in the game, because you really don’t get paid enough for actually completing missions.
That being said, the game isn’t quite right. For starters, ticking off the cops is way too easy in this game than in previous GTA games, if only because there are cops EVERYWHERE, and touching them is really simple. The music is also an issue...It’s just not great stuff. While it is all licensed music, good luck knowing any of it. Furthermore, the combat’s a little iffy, but then again, it’s always been an issue with GTA. Oh, and there are still some niggles that make the combat still not quite right, but better than in past GTA’s.
Otherwise, it’s a fantastic experience and one that needs to be sampled on any platform. It’s a really enjoyable, if not flawed, GTA game.
Here we go, my annual "Game of the Year" posts. Always look forward to doing these, as it allows me to look back on the year that was and analyze what games were truly exemplary in a year full of fantastic purchases for just about anyone. Should also mention that everything here is stuff that I've played, so I can't wax lyrical on anything that I haven't sampled (i.e Borderlands, for instance).
And here we go...
1. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (PS3)
The Playstation 3 has been a joke of a console since before it even launched. I'm sure I don't need to bring up the $599, Ridge Racer and Giant Enemy Crab memes to remind anyone of that. And hell, for close to a year, there was very little reason for anyone to actually own one. But ever since then - the system's slowly been getting better and better, and the line up of exclusive software has been arguably the best of the generation so far. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves is a further example of that, and may very well be easily the best game released all year.
Uncharted 2 does many, many things right. It has some of the best characterization you'll see in any game, and while the story and characters can fall into stereotypes and cliches, that's the point - it's meant to be reminiscent of those pulp serials that helped inspire the Indiana Jones series of films, and really, is that a bad thing? When the game shifts to a cutscene, you're interested and excited to see what's going to happen next, and not only because the story, but also because of the visuals - Uncharted 2 is easily one of the best looking games you'll see on any console. It's no wonder why Sony went with the cringe inducing "it looks like a movie" ad campaign.
The gameplay has also seen some improvement. The difficulty now works better so that if you're playing on harder difficulties, it's still relatively manageable throughout the whole game, compared to the original, where it proved to be more of a pain than anything else. The gun combat has also been improved so that enemies don't take a ludicrous amount of damage to kill, but still doesn't feel right, compared to similar games like Gears of War 2, which has that whole cover based shooter thing down pat.
One are also worth commenting on is the improved stealth gameplay and multiplayer. Despite being initially thought as being terrible additions, they prove to be some of the best handled aspects of the game - the stealth isn't a required opiton to play the game, but it becomes incredibly useful later. The multiplayer is also one of the most fun games you'll experience on the Playstation Network, thanks to the fact that everything you can do in the single player you can do in the multiplayer, so jumping and climbing plays just as much of a role as taking cover or precisely shooting. It breaks the trend of fantastic single player games having unnecessary and often pointless multiplayer.
All in all, Uncharted 2 is easily one of the best games of the year, providing an excellent single player with a well thoughtout and fun multiplayer component. Looks absolutely stunning and matches that aurally to boot. And the best part? There's very little to actually complain about. Good news to everyone who doesn't own a PS3 - you now have your reason to pick one up.
I love bad games for the same way I love bad movies. Everything about it - from the terrible design, terrible writing, terrible acting, terrible sound etc. It never ceases to bring tears of laughter to my eyes, as well as lessons on how to actually not make a movie or video game.
Much like bad movies, there are really two types of bad games. Games that are so bad that they're good, and games that are so bad that they're horrible. But I like to think that there's a third layer to this - games that are so bad that their very existence makes people question their sanity. This is the latter. Say hello to Plumbers Don't Wear Ties.
Everything mentioned in the this cover? It's in the game...for better or for worse...
Back when the 3DO was at least relevant, there were five 'adult' themed games released for the system (don't ask me about the four others, I don't know of them). Plumbers is one of these. Despite it being advertised as a romantic comedy and having a reputation for being a porn game...it's the furthest thing from it. Why you may ask? Well, first off, it's not at all pornographic. That is, unless you count two of three shots of a woman's nipple, plenty of shots of her sideboob and arse, as well as a few shots of male arse. Though my favourite part? This is all censored, meaning you have to enter in a code if you actually WANT the uncensored shots. And before that scene actually starts, you are given a warning about the scene, telling you that if you're underage, to close your eyes until the music ends. Don't believe me?
Though that's not the half of it. As a romantic comedic, it's godawful. But that's just the start. Let's go through the game a little more first.
Here are our two "star crossed lovers". John, a plumber who runs a company known as "plumber on a bike":
And Jane...a daddy's girl who wants to find a man. Oh, and she has a job interview to go to:
Now, there's one other character in the game that serves some role, the Narrator. You're going to grow to hate this guy, because he'll constantly interrupt to tell you what to do next and how you're going. Though usually, he's there to tell you how much you suck. He's also got a penchant for wearing a chicken head.
The intro sequence to the game sets up the experience you wish you was only a dream. Aside from the toilet flushing and obviously early 90's Kirin Entertainment logo (this was the only titled developed by the company), we're greeted with an FMV sequence of two bre...I mean Jane, or as she prefers to be known as, "Microwave Jane". And no, I didn't make this up. Why Microwave Jane, you may ask? Cause she warms up faster than any girl, and jokes that she's so hot, that not only did the fire chief wrote a new code to make her wear a smoke alarm between her thighs, but the coastguard also noted that she was so hot she made tsunamis in her waterbed; as well a few other jokes about her being hot that are so incredibly fucking stupid that I'm not even going to type them out and save your your IQ, time and dignity.
Anyway, the sequence is to let you know just what the game is about. The goal is to get Jane together with another man, and sets you and your "hot little mouse" (her words, not mine) on to the task of doing so. She lets you know a few other things like how she doesn't do one night stands or other acts of prostitution, but we don't care. Hell, the camera doesn't even care. At one point, the camera starts focusing on Jane's breasts. Once she's done talking, the shot zooms out in a pretty cheap effect (every shot in this game does it), and we're not only greeted with a title card, complete one of the more recurring elements of the game - some of the worst music you'll ever hear:
I shit you not. This is the title screen.
We're also greeted with our first choice.
This leads to the first actual problem with the game. While it does feature a lot of audio, it comes at the expense of the game. I'll explain this further in a minute when we actually start the thing, but here's the first example. You get a person reading out a description of what each button does, but you can't actually move your cursor until the audio clip ends. It's especially the case when there's three items on screen - you have to listen to three audio clips before you make a choice, and any more of them again should you decide to change your mind. Oh, and one of them is read by an Asian woman who clearly hasn't been in an English speaking country for long. I'm half expecting a "love you long time" drop.
Anyway, if you're still with me, let's actually start this game.
The title sequence kicks off with someone singing the concluding portion of the US National Anthem...then we get a slideshow of NASCAR-esque stockcars driving about and what not. Looks like Kirin took the line from Prince's Lovesexy "when I touch it racecars burn rubber in my pants" literally. Oh, and for some apparent reason most of these shots have been applied with a negative filter, and a whole bunch of other filters. Furthermore, we see some random shots of a panda in a go kart, pasted in with the other photos. What kills me is that the panda looks obviously cropped in, with plenty of space from the picture it was copied from.
It's like someone at Kirin discovered Photoshop for the first time in the process of the applying the negative filter and adding in the panda thought it was the coolest fucking thing ever, and decided that Photoshop was that cool, to use it for as much of these shots as possible. And yes, the music is still garbage. Anyway, after the slideshow, we're introduced to John...and suddenly, we see the proper game.
Now, before we start the game proper. I ask you to go back up to the games cover. Based on this, you'd think it's an FMV game. It's perfectly understandable and to be expected. I mean the start of the game was an FMV, and it was released during a time where FMV games were at their peak. Hell, the front and rear covers basically show what appears to be FMV. With that established, allow me to deliver to you a megaton.
That intro you saw earlier? It's the only FMV sequence in the game.
As for the game itself? Well, It's a slideshow.
And it's not just a small portion of the game either.
The entire fucking game is a slideshow.
With voice over.
And minor forms of interactivity.
Now, I haven't a problem with low interactivity in games. Hell, series like Myst and Ace Attorney are examples of games with very low interactivity but there's always something redeemable about them (like fantastic music, writing, character etc.) Hell, visual novels pride themselves on having little to no interactivity. But that's fine, because usually there's some great art or writing and what not. As we have firmly established earlier, Plumbers does not have good writing. Furthermore, it looks cheap, has terrible audio (at times, it sounds like the actors are TOO close to the mic) and the worst part? It gets worse. And it doesn't stop getting worse.
There really isn't much to say about the plot. I'll go through it, because really, this game makes me want to kill myself the more I talk about it. John and Jane's parents both want their children to get married and what not. They end up meeting in a parking lot, where after an awkward meeting, Jane goes to a job interview. It turns out her boss, Thresher, is a pervert, and will only give Jane a job if she strips for him. She goes along with it, until she learns that it's being videotaped. then runs out of the room. Thresher, pissed off, grabs a letter opener and plots to stab her. She runs out into the parking lot, where John has apparently been THIS WHOLE TIME.
All three have this chase scene, which looks more like a fucking series of vacation shots than an actual chase scene, until they end up in an abandoned building. Thresher then offers her a shittone of money to sleep with him. She refuses (she can accept, but the scene is terrible and awful, and it's not the proper ending) and goes with John. They then end up happily ever after. As they ride off into the sunset, Jane also refuses to believe that John's a plumber because, well, plumbers don't wear ties.
Good. Fuckity. God.
Though that's not the end of it. You want to know the biggest problem with the game? Amongst everything else? There are no alternate paths. There are no alternate endings. There is only one possible thread you can take. And should you divulge from the path, you'll get given a game over scene..but you can go back to the previous decision point and then choose the right scene. No matter what, it's impossible to lose at the game, and you're going to get the same ending each time.
But that's just one thing. Let's take a look at some of the other more idiotic elements present in this...game.
During the job interview sequence, you're given a bunch of choices. You come across one, where it says that Thresher takes advantage of the situation. The audio clip here? It tells you that you need to be over 18 to play through this bit. And it's required to hit this option to continue as well. Hitting any other option sends you to a game over screen. From here, you get another choice to make. Here's the image in question:
Look at the text that it tells you - "she rejects the disgusting proposal" and "she'll do anything to get the job?!?!". Those images don't make much sense - because if she declines...why would she take her top off anyway? And sure enough, if you DO pick it, she still gets part of her kit off, then after a few minutes, realizes his disgusting proposal and runs out of his office. Without much of her top.
The score is also another element that doesn't work at all. Mainly because for the most part, the only score you get is in the negatives. No, I'm serious. Here's how the score roughly is shown on screen.
Score: -100000
You may be wondering just how badly you need to mess up in order to earn such a score. Well it turns out that's just gotten during regular gameplay. Since you can't really get off the path and what not, your score is always really going to end up the same amount. It also doesn't look like a mistake either, because the hyphen is so close to the numbers that it suggests negative value. Let's move on, the stupidity is killing me.
Later on in the game, the narrator gets attacked by some random woman in a Karate Gi (later a dress), whose role is, and I cannot believe I'm writing this, A TAKE OVER ARTIST, WANTED IN THIRTY STATES FOR HIJACKING FICTION. Oh, and she doesn't do anything useful either, she basically plays the same role as the narrator, complaining about how bad you've been going. The next, and only other time she returns, she reveals to be a feminist, complaining about why Jane shouldn't sleep with her boss.
Makoto, she ain't.
Then the narrator returns and kills her with a toy gun, which then results in about a minute of a gray filter being placed over the screen with copy/pasted bulletholes and gunshot noises going off. There's no blood. There's no violence. It's unbelievably stupid. LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS GAME. Oh, and to top it off, there are sounds of DOGS APPLAUDING.
FUCKING. DOGS. APPLAUDING. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
The ending also features one of the stupidest moments in gaming history. As the game ends, it then randomly cuts to an outtake. Literally, the dude messes up the line and the next thing we here is the actor, the director and the crew laughing about it and saying they're going to leave it in. Then the next thing we hear is the line being said correctly...and the thing about this that sucks? He messed up one word, and it wasn't even that funny. Like everything else I've just said, I'm not making a single shred of this up.
What kills me is just how this game got certified. While it's been documented that the 3DO was one of the more open platforms to develop a game on, I find it hard to believe that someone at the 3DO Company, the people responsible for ensuring that games get certified for public release and what not, thought it was a good idea to let this game be released to the public. If you tried to pull this shit out on today's consoles, there's no way it'd happen.
Though there is some good to come out of all of this. YouTube user Hormone1944 (who I gotta thank for the YouTube links I've used in here) has not only uploaded most of the video, but created it in such a way that you can effectively play the game. Gotta love technology.
But in all seriousness, this is easily the worst video game ever made. If you can even call it a game. I can't sum up the sheer amount of stupidity present in this game. It's baffling to think that people actually created this, and not think for one second that they're creating the single worst video game ever made. ET and Superman 64 might be awful, but at least you can actually play them. And hell, Big Rigs, while it's an unfinished product, is clearly much more playable than this garbage.
Though that has to say something. When your game is less playable than the unfinished mess that is Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing, then you know you're onto something horrible.
Well, at least some people are enjoying Asteroids.
